I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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