party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
