He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
nutella sex= disaster
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
