y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Enjoy the penises
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
