I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
