Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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