I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
