btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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