and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
