Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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