So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
