So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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