making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
