i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
