Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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