how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
