38 yer olds are good kisserssss
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
