I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
