Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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