It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
