Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
