Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
