sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
