You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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