FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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