There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
