so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
do herpes really smell.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
