ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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