We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
