ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
