No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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