Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
