we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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