I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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