I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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