She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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