i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
