He is such a slut. More and more my type.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
