I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Vodka?
Forever.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
