She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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