i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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