He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
