No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
