dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
