she woke up with a sticky ear
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
