if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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