In the future we'll all be gay
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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