I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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