I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
