I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
