i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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