My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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