come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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