Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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