My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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