I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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