eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
