The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
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She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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