I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
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