Already got asked if we're dating
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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