I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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