How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
