There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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