can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
