I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
