Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
