guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You took a bar mat shot.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
