alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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