Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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