Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
