one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Boobs speak an international language.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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