he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
