If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
