do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
