Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
