guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
